just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
the liver wants what the liver wants
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
