That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just high enough for therapy.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
