Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
