What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize