Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
