someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
