Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
