also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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