She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
