ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
