Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize