like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
