Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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