I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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