It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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