i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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