just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
