Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
