Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
