I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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