If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
