BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the day after is always just damage control
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
