Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
