Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
