I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
