i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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