Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
