we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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