Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
