That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
