I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize