Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
