Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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