The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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