she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
