How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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