white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
