I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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