i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
