Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
