kristin has been a bad kristin
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
