They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
