i can't believe i had my finger in that
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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