My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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