I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
