Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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