Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
