Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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