well I can't set my house on fire every night
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
