I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize