I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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