I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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