I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
