She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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