I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
