He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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