That's intense
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
