i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
