Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
