waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
