I need help removing her.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize