He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
