Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
