my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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