I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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