i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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